Easier said than done.....huh
Nothing really prepares us for the worst challenges in life except for these two irreplaceable/ invaluable things -
1. Peace of Mind
2. Power of Forgiveness
If I had to describe myself and my life before 2008
in one word I'd say SMUG. I had / got everything I ever wanted - good grades,
getting into good architecture school, over indulgent parents, amazing set of
friends, understanding professors- all in all, an over protected life that knows
no defeat. I bet, French aristocracy, before the French Revolution felt the
same way before their heads rolled down the guillotine.
Post 2008 (recession), had been a turbulent time, not
just for me, but for all my friends and almost everyone I know. It was the
worst time to graduate. The years that followed, I spend a lot of time looking
at my own problems, trying to find out why things didn't work. And when none
of my strategies worked, I did what I
would usually do, under such circumstances,- "shoot in the dark, hoping to
hit the mark". This was followed by an acute sense of inadequacy, that somehow I failed my parents as I have failed to rise to the occasion. Suddenly, I was in a mad rush to prove myself, to make up for the losses. I worked harder than I ever worked in my life with a single-minded purpose - to learn as much as possible in the shortest possible time. That means, working min 12-13hrs almost every day in the office, going to office on weekends, bringing my work home with me to discuss with my Father (who is also an architect).
I remember having sat with my Father, with books and drawings, asking him again and again and he going over it patiently with me. "You have to be patient, you cannot learn Architecture so fast, it's a knowledge that only comes from years of working and experience" he would say. But I wasn't listening. What takes years, I must learn in months, or even days. By putting this impossible aim before me, I was frustrated even more. All the self-imposed exile from the real world into the world of trying-to-do-everything-at-once, did fuel my career and get me the jobs I wanted. But, in trying to get back every materialistic thing I wanted, I did not realize that I had lost my peace of mind.
For years to come, I only looked at what I didn't have, rather than what I had already achieved. And even when I got what I "didn't have", I would be afraid to lose it again. We all know what happens when you hold grains of sand tightly in your fist - they slip away. So slipped away my peace and my happiness. Gone was the spontaneous laughter, or any other activities that made me happy - writing, painting, photography, keeping in touch with friends and well-wishers, impromptu singing to Hindi movie tunes, dancing to raunchy item songs or simply goofing around.
Today, I realize that it should have been the other way round, if only I had worked on getting my peace of mind, everything else would have followed, things would have fallen into place eventually. If only I had not tried to fix things that needed no fixing.
Another thought that I wanted to share is that of the Power of Forgiveness. We all know that we need to forgive people who have wronged us, thus releasing ourselves from the hold they have over our thoughts.
But I want to write more about forgiveness in love and relationships. In my opinion they go hand in hand. No man is an island and we learn who/what we truly are only through our relationships. And this is what I learnt from mine. Every relationship (be it romantic or otherwise) stands on our desire to forgive. Every day we must learn to forgive our loved ones, same as our loved ones are trying to forgive us.
Its the hardest part.
Especially, with so many things (ego, pride, anger, outside world, life etc) and ourselves coming in the way. It is so easy to find fault in others and it's so difficult to see our own dark side. Especially with the knowledge that people are fallible. Especially, when no one is asking for forgiveness.
It is essential that we forgive our loved ones quickly, easily and unconditionally. No one is right all the time, no one is wrong all the time. But if the person matters, the relationship is worth the trouble, then nothing should stop us from forgiving. For, after the passion fades, only thing that remains is two people who have seen the best and worst side of each other and yet chosen to remain together and forgiven each other, despite of all the idiosyncrasies.
And that is true love - one that is unconditional and remains till the end.
Every thing else just comes and goes.
So, peace and forgiveness are interdependent. If there is no peace, the simple act forgiveness becomes harder and harder. And if there is no forgiveness, there is no peace. Yet, we need both. Above all, we need to learn to love unconditionally and let go.
“Pursue not the outer entanglements; Dwell not in the inner void; Be serene in the oneness of things; And dualism vanishes by itself.” - Seng-t'san.
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